For The Hatred Of New Beginnings

You know how motivational speakers tell you starting over is the best thing that can sometimes happen to you... That is premium bullsh*t.

Waking up every morning, knowing you have to face the same reality is hell on earth; so maybe this is a test run for the eternity that awaits us but enough of the philosophy crap, I'm here to rant about my hatred for starting all over again or like its fondly called "the getting to know you stage".

The time when everyone is on their best behavior and putting their best foot forward, the endless texting, the question games, the hour long video calls and "Yes, I love that... I can't believe you love it too". I often get so caught up in this that when the dust settles, the reality of me not really knowing a person hits me hard. You see, no one really ever asks the tough questions and even when we do, its behind a coat of assurances and disguises that guise the truth of what we want to know because we don't ever want to seem to 'forward'. "Best foot forward, she'll learn that I'm an ass later but for now; best foot forward".

Well, let me lay me all bare now;

• I hate phone calls unless its about hot gist and sultry gossip
• I'm clingy and get overly emotional when I don't get my way
• I love my physical space and I'm only able to share it for a limited period of time
• I don't know how to properly process jealousy so I come off as uncaring
• I overthink everything and read meanings into things that probably have no meaning
• I just as easily get emotionally attached as I get emotionally detached
• I love to have meaningful conversations just after 'coitus' because at that time, the mind seems less troubled
• There's a bulk load of other things I can't quite remember but underneath it all, people say I'm a sweet guy.

The process of starting all over with a new partner leaves me drained but should we get through the highs and maintain that energy, companionship does offer a beauty and calm that's uneasy to duplicate.